LEADERSHIP
CHAPTER NINE
MARK OF A LEADER
He Must Be Aware Of Personal and Family Needs
The picture of a threadbare, hungry, undernourished family in the parsonages across the land is often exaggerated. When the pastor’s family does suffer deprivation, it is not always the fault of tight-fisted church members who want to keep them poor so they will be humble. It is often the fault of the pastor who has somehow gotten the idea that there is virtue to be found in poverty, suffering and neglect. A great leader will be aware of his personal, and family needs.
You are not some kind of super being who can defy all odds and get by with it. God recognized the need for man to rest one day out of seven and so instituted the Sabbath. Jesus was aware of human frailties and said to his disciples, ‘come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest awhile: for there were many coming and going and they had no leisure so much as to eat.’ Sounds like a present day pastor’s life, doesn’t it? You may think that there are just too many important things to do, to take a day off, but neither God the Father nor the Son is of that opinion.
There is no virtue in committing suicide, even if you do it by overwork. More will be accomplished in the long run if you take care of yourself. You will live a longer more useful life, and your children will have a father, not a perpetually pooped pastor and your wife will have a husband and you will feel better about yourself. Last, but not least, the Church will have a pastor who is on his toes and ready to respond with vigor as situations arise. The work has been deprived of many great men at a young age because they simply were not aware of their own personal physical weakness.
Every Preacher must recognize his own biological humanness. It is sad to recall the promising and productive ministries that have been damaged or destroyed, and homes which have been broken, by forgetting this. The pastor starts out with the idealistic goal of helping someone, but soon becomes so involved he winds up offering much more than spiritual guidance. It is not chauvinism, but a well known fact ,that women often become emotionally attached to those who have helped them in times of crises. Medical doctors, psychiatrists and PREACHERS must keep this constantly in mind. It is also a sad but true fact, that not all men have the restraint to react as honorably as did Joseph when Potiphar’s wife attempted to seduce him.
What is the answer? Does the preacher have to refuse certain ones who come to him for help? Certainly not! It would be well, however to set a policy early in your ministry and never deviate from it.
The following has worked well for me and I found it best to always state the policy publicly at the very start of a new work.
When approached by a lady with a problem, the response was, ‘I will be happy to discuss this with you and your husband.’ If she was unmarried or for any reason, the husband could not be present, the response was, ‘My wife and I will be happy to counsel with you.’ For this approach to work, the people must be assured of as much confidentiality from the pastor’s wife as from him, and they MUST BOTH SCRUPULOUSLY KEEP THAT CONFIDENCE.
Where does wife and family fit into the pastor’s life? Far too often , they are the afterthoughts, to whom are relegated any leftover time and energy after the needs of the church members are all met. This is NOT God’s plan. The pastor is to be the example for the flock. This includes the whole spectrum of Biblical teaching and living. The admonition to ‘Love your wives as your own body’ Eph. 5:28, and ‘Love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it’ Eph. 5:25, and ‘giving honour unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel’ 1 Pet. 3:7 are not only to be taught to the church but are to be practiced by the pastor. Too often the pastor glibly quotes Gen. 2:24, ‘therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh’ at weddings, while his own wife is made a second class citizen and church member as he ignores her and her fears and desires.
A pastor whose wife had walked out of their marriage once confessed to me that he had spent many hours counseling others and never had time to listen when his own wife tried to talk to him. He never knew she was hurting until she left!
A preacher’s wife deserves consideration and common courtesy from her husband.
Several years ago, I observed the following at a large gathering. Dinner was being served in the traditional, pot-luck style. Perhaps two hundred people were waiting in a long line. It was an oppressively hot summer day. At the head of the line, in the shade, several young ‘reverends’ were oblivious to everything except their enjoyment of the deep ‘theological’ discussions in which they were engaged. At the rear of the line in the blazing sun was the wife of one of them. She had a toddler by the hand, a baby in her arms and was at least seven months along the road of another ‘blessed event’. She grew more and more exhausted as the line moved ever more slowly forward. The shade was at least thirty minutes away. She looked pleadingly toward her husband and his friends who were enjoying the shade. He ignored her. Finally, in desperation, she made her way to the head of the line with a simple request. ‘Will you please take one of the children and see that he is fed?’ His answer could not have hurt any more if he had struck her physically. ‘I don’t have time to bother with a woman’s job!’
YOU OWE YOUR WIFE AS MUCH COURTESY AND CONSIDERATION AS YOU SHOW TO OTHERS!
When you are in a service where you are not preaching, it will not damage your image even if you sit beside her and help take care of the children. MISTREATING YOUR WIFE IS NOT MANLY, IT IS COWARDLY!!!
Insist that others, also, respect your wife and family. Most will do this out of respect for the ministry and their love for the Lord. Occasionally, though, there may be those who are thoughtless in their words and attitudes. They hold to the strange notions that anything done for the pastor’s family is ‘charity’. Then, sadly, there are some who haven’t the courage to challenge the preacher face to face and so try to get to him through his family. Thank God, these folks are few, but just one can cause so much heartache, one thinks the hosts of hell have been loosed upon him. YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT APPEARING UN-PREACHER-LIKE TO DEFEND YOUR FAMILY AGAINST THEM!!
Understand that your wife desires a home and security like any normal woman. She is forced to give up many of her dreams as she must subjugate them to her husband’s ministry. Often she must even limit her desires to decorate her home according to her own tastes because it is a parsonage and the next occupant must be considered. She would like to know too, that at the end of the road a secure retirement awaits in old age. She would like the assurance that if she is left alone there will be some provision made for her beyond the ‘love offerings’ for the first month or two.
Provide these things if at all possible, but even if all the desires can’t be met, you can provide some of them, and understanding and caring can go a long way toward making up for the rest.
One of the qualifications for a pastor is that he be the HUSBAND of one wife. Why get all hung up on the number, while ignoring what it means to ‘husband’? Study the subject in the Word of God, not to teach it as much as to PRACTICE it.
Then there are the children. Just because they are the children of a pastor, they are expected to be beyond reproach and to be examples to the flock just like him! Let me give you a piece of information that may come as a shock. God did NOT call either your wife or your children into the ministry! Their responsibilities are exactly the same as those of any other wife or any other member’s children. They are not co-pastors and if you would have them respect your ministry, they must first learn to respect you as a husband and father. If you distance them from you in that capacity, you are in danger of distancing them from their pastor and from the Lord!
Most of the problems of parental or husbandly neglect on the part of pastors, stems from the fact that he is prone to feel the need to personally take care of every detail of the Church life. Moses received some great advice from his father-in-law, Jethro. It is recorded in Exodus 18:13-26. It would be well if every pastor would read this passage at least once each month. It seems that like many of us, Moses couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Jethro saw the situation and immediately warned Moses. Trying to care for every detail was wearing him down and would soon tell on the people as well.
Moses took the advice of Jethro. He chose men who had a fear of God, who were capable and who hated sin, and appointed them to handle these daily matters. He could then devote his time to being the messenger between them and God and not the mediator between men. Even Jesus refused this position . Why should the pastor think he can make a better arrangement? Luke 12:14 And he said unto him, Man, who made me a judge or a divider over you?
The deacons were appointed in the early Church so that the Apostles would not be burdened with temporal things. Paul even recognized that one man could not do all the teaching needed, and instructed Timothy, ‘And the things that thou has heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men who shall be able to teach others also.’ 2 Tim. 2:2
One of the most valuable lessons any pastor can learn and which will benefit his ministry, himself and his family is that he doesn’t have to do it all!
PERSONAL FINANCES
In personal finances, everyone knows that the preacher should be a model of integrity. He should ‘provide things honest in the sight of all men’ but too often, little thought is given to preparing for the future financial security of his family. Faith is great and we must have it in all facets of our life, but nowhere in the Bible is it taught that faith rules out common sense or personal responsibility. Solomon’s words of wisdom were explicit on this subject. ‘Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways and be wise. Which having no guide, overseer or ruler, provideth her meat in the summer and gathereth her food in the harvest.’ (Pro. 6:6-7) It is sad that after teaching that we should be industrious, and each should provide for his own household, so many preachers’ families wind up as public charges after his death.
It is a matter of pride with most of us that whatever our circumstances, we will faithfully tithe on all our income. This is as it should be. Should it not also be a matter of pride that we use as much sense as the ant? What’s wrong with setting aside another tithe for our own future? (And just as we had to learn that we could afford to tithe, through doing it, saving is also possible, if we commit to it. Try it, you'll like it.) If something happens that you don’t need it you can always leave it to a church or missionary. But the chances are that it will come in handy to keep you and yours from being a burden to others.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
God Will Take Care Of You
God Will Take Care Of You
Text: Phil 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Introduction. We often feel the need for something in our lives. Sometimes it is a vague dissatisfaction, but more often we know exactly what we desire, whether we really need it or not. Sometimes we need food for the body and sometimes we experience a desire for food for the soul.
I. MY God-- Paul knew from personal experience the sufficiency of God's Grace.
A. 2 Cor 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
B. His need had been supplied in every trial and in every opportunity.
II. WILL SUPPLY.---- Gr. = make replete or cram full.
A. Mal 3:10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
B. Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
C. Psa 37:25 I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.
D.Luke 12:27 Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Luke 12:28 If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Luke 12:29 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.
Luke 12:30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.
Luke 12:31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Luke 12:32 Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.
E. Rom 8:32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
III. ALL your need.
A. God knows all our needs.
Mat 6:8 Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.
B. What we need and how God supplies.
1. Man needs repentance.
Luke 15:7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
Acts 17:30 And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:
Luke 13:3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
Luke 13:4 Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?
Luke 13:5 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
C. God supplies the need.
Rom 2:1 Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.
Rom 2:2 But we are sure that the judgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things.
Rom 2:3 And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?
Rom 2:4 Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?
2 Cor 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
D. Satan stands ready to supply counterfeits.
2. A child of God NEEDS baptism.
Mat 3:14 But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me?
A. God provides the need with heaven's baptism.
3. Child of God needs to learn.
Heb 5:12 For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.
A. God supplies through the Word.
1 Pet 2:2 As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:
4. Christians need a spiritual home.
A. God provides it in the Church.
5. We need hope.
1 Cor 15:19 If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.
A. God has provided it.
1 Cor 13:13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
6. Sometimes we need correction. and God supplies it.
Heb 12:5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
Heb 12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
Heb 12:7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
IV. According to His riches in Glory
[By the measure of-- only if Christ’s glory ceases will God's supply fail.]
Text: Phil 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Introduction. We often feel the need for something in our lives. Sometimes it is a vague dissatisfaction, but more often we know exactly what we desire, whether we really need it or not. Sometimes we need food for the body and sometimes we experience a desire for food for the soul.
I. MY God-- Paul knew from personal experience the sufficiency of God's Grace.
A. 2 Cor 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
B. His need had been supplied in every trial and in every opportunity.
II. WILL SUPPLY.---- Gr. = make replete or cram full.
A. Mal 3:10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
B. Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
C. Psa 37:25 I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.
D.Luke 12:27 Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Luke 12:28 If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Luke 12:29 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.
Luke 12:30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.
Luke 12:31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Luke 12:32 Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.
E. Rom 8:32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
III. ALL your need.
A. God knows all our needs.
Mat 6:8 Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.
B. What we need and how God supplies.
1. Man needs repentance.
Luke 15:7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
Acts 17:30 And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:
Luke 13:3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
Luke 13:4 Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?
Luke 13:5 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
C. God supplies the need.
Rom 2:1 Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.
Rom 2:2 But we are sure that the judgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things.
Rom 2:3 And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?
Rom 2:4 Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?
2 Cor 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
D. Satan stands ready to supply counterfeits.
2. A child of God NEEDS baptism.
Mat 3:14 But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me?
A. God provides the need with heaven's baptism.
3. Child of God needs to learn.
Heb 5:12 For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.
A. God supplies through the Word.
1 Pet 2:2 As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:
4. Christians need a spiritual home.
A. God provides it in the Church.
5. We need hope.
1 Cor 15:19 If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.
A. God has provided it.
1 Cor 13:13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
6. Sometimes we need correction. and God supplies it.
Heb 12:5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
Heb 12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
Heb 12:7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
IV. According to His riches in Glory
[By the measure of-- only if Christ’s glory ceases will God's supply fail.]
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